Dear John...

As a child, I liked a lot of different activities, swimming (lap swimming, not splashing about in a pool), riding my bike, rollerskating, rollerblading, jump rope, handball, tetherball, tennis, iceskating (once my parents bought me gloves and I stopped falling), climbing trees (despite the dearth of good climbing trees in my neighborhood), baseball, basketball (when I wasn't playing with my cousin 5 years my senior and his friends).

Even though there were always lots of other kids in my life (family, neighbors, friends) I never really had anyone with whom to play these sports/games.  When we were in a pool everyone just wanted to splash about or play Marco Polo.  I only had one friend who knew how to iceskate but after age 8 she moved 20 miles away.  None of the neighborhood kids cared much for either jump rope and of my two closest friends on the block one wasn't allowed out of the house (even with her babysitter watching) until her parents came home and the other wasn't allowed to bike more than two houses in either direction (same with rollerskating/rollerblading).  One of my cousins took tennis lessons with me but when we'd go practice outside of class he would just want to chase the ball rather than volley.  My neighborhood friend with a tetherball in the backyard was more interested in Barbie's than sports and I gave up Barbie's earlier than any other girl I knew.  So eventually I stopped playing, in part because, as Winnie-the-Pooh says, "it's so much friendlier with two" and in part because the older I got the more my parents signed me up for piano lessons, speed reading lessons, math tutoring, computer programing camp, etc.

As an adult I've begun to reaquaint myself with these activities and I've found I love them every bit as much I did when I was a child!  Also, I've found that as an adult, I don't have to have someone else to play with!  Though I don't have to have someone else to play with, that silly ol' bear is still right, things are "so much friendlier with two".  Or at least, motivation is so much easier with two.  This summer I reacquainted myself with lap-swimming, which I honestly hadn't done since I was a pre-teen.  I'd forgotten how much I loved it!  And though I've been rather good at going to the pool at least once a week (except for that one week I had a ton of work and of course procrastinated by watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, don't judge!) I really have to motivate myself to change into my bathing suit and drive to the pool.  I know I will feel so refreshed (and exhausted at the same time) afterward but it's so hard when you know there is no one else waiting for you and keeping you accountable.  There are so many other things I'd like to do with a partner, like rock climbing (I can always boulder by myself), aikido (hard to practice a purely defensive martial art when your attacker is the air), tennis (playing against the wall is only fun for so long), iceskating and rollerskating...have you ever gone to an iceskating or roller rink by yourself?...Not very fun, I guarantee.  Or bowled a game against yourself...at least you know you'll always win...and always lose.

I guess what I'm realizing more and more as I get older is that I really do need a new circle of friends.  Ones that want to do more than just go to coffee shops and restaurants, self-motivators, friends who want to play a sport regularly and won't flake out because they stayed out late getting drunk and are now too tired.  But how do I meet these elusive "new friends"?  Though I want new friends to play with I also feel I don't have enough time to stay in touch with the friends I already have. How does one begin to overhaul their friends list like out-dated wardrobe?  Do I use the "one-in, one-out" rule, as you do with shoes?  What is the criteria for "discarding" a friend, so to speak?  And then of course, as in romantic relationships, it sucks to be the dumpee but it also sucks and is hard to be the dumper.  How do I go about modifying or ending long friendships if the feeling isn't mutual, do I become the bitch?  How should the speech go?  I can see it now, my Dear John...I suppose I will need multiple versions for friends from childhood, college years, and post college years:

"We need to talk.  It's not you, it's me, I just think we've grown apart, we no longer have 'boys have coodies' and Babysitters Club and Goosebumps books to keep this going.  Let's be honest here, our relationship has been struggling since the year we only had AP English together and I was taking calculus and honors physics and you were in algebra 2 and biology.  Sure, we had a revival in college when we would talk on the phone for hours  on end and were practically attached at the hips during winter and summer break but that was just the trick of "distance makes the heart grow fonder" that a long-distance friendship plays on the mind.  Things have been dead since post college, when our life goals and interests were no longer in step.  You've been a wonderful friend and I've enjoyed every moment of it...it's just...well surely, I'm not the only one who's been feeling this way!  Look, you're interested in xyz and I'm just more interested in abc, you see?  But we can still be Facebook friends."

...?  :-\