A string of texts between a friend and me. My two initial texts were sent at 19:22 and 22:10. Friend's first text was sent at 23:33. Everything ended at 1:56. When reading this keep in mind that I am the one picking my friend up (who lives in the opposite direction of the climbing gym) and dropping my friend off (I have to drive past my house to drop my friend off). Also, keep in mind that my friend doesn't work nor go to school. Well now, I should be fair, my friend does still leave their name on a temp agency's list :) And if you're wondering how an adult can afford to not work and not make money, well that friend lives with, and off of, their parent.
Me: Hey what did you end deciding at the dentists? To pull or not to pull? Are we still on for rock wall tomorrow?
Me: So I take it you can't go climbing tomorrow?
Friend: I was asleep, what time tomorrow?
M: I'll pick you up at 1030.
F: Why so early in the day?
M: So there won't be traffic and it'll be less crowded. I thought you wanted to go early.
F: Im just wondering why that early because i just woke up from a deep 4.5 hr sleep, so it may be hard to go back to sleep and wake up really early with energy. I took some vicodin, but i may take some again soonish, so maybe i WILL fall asleep soon again. It would be better for me if we could push it back slightly, if it's all the same to you. Otherwise, if it's the only time you can go, then it'll have to work i guess.
M: I can go at the same time as last time. Pick you up at 420. I just don't like breaking up my writing time so going in the middle of the day isn't possible for me. Or we can go in the middle of the day Saturday. I don't have anything planned for Saturday it's my relaxing day.
F: Wait, why can't we go tomorrow sometime later than 10:30 and before 4?in beteeen, Like 1:30? After lunch? Then we'll be back before traffic as well and you can get to work, plus you have all morning to work too before you break for lunch anyway, AND it works for me too? So both good for your work and my sleep problem?
M: Except that it's not good for me and my work. I can't write like that. When I'm writing I need a huge chunk of time to write and until 130 isn't long enough for me.
F: so how about i see how tonight goes and of it works out, then i'll call and we'll go early. If not, then later in the day. So play it by ear, since you'll just be working anyway.
F: Ok, well, going too early when i can't sleep (especially bc of taking meds earlier)and will be exhausted doesn't work for ME at all as a physical thing,
M:I really can't play it by ear tomorrow because if we are going in the morning I need to wake up earlier so I can do all my morning stuff before picking you up and going climbing. If we are going at 420 then I can wake up at my normal time. I'm not trying to be difficult I just can't play it by ear tomorrow. I am more flexible on Saturday if you need flexibility.
F: Wow, i mean i'm trying to meet you part way,i would actually try to get up early, i really don't think it's that hard to attempt to meet me halfway too,
either way you'll be gettig up earliesh to work. You know, i just don't know. That's all i can say. And if we're doing what's most convenient for ourselv
es apart from everything else, then i can say that altnough saturday works, i'd rather spend some time with my mom and not break up my day in the middle
either.
M: Why can't you go at 420?
F: Anyway, i'm getting tired again, so im going to go rest, my tooth nerves hurt cuz i drank juice and im going to try to relax
M: So are you ok with 420 then?
F: I didn't say i cant, i said it's better if we go earlier but not as early as 10:30. Just in terms of when we get back and traffic and the fact that the rest of the eve will be tiring for both of us because of how late it is. I don't know about you but both times this week i've been super tired after. But i did 't say it wouldn't work at all. Earlier makes it more convenient for me AS well, in terms of something being not only good for your schedule, but for me as well.
M: Ok whatever time you want to go we'll go, I just need you to commit to a time right now so I know my schedule. 1030, 130, whatever.
F: So you can't meet me halfway and be open to possible morning, like at all? Not even a little later in the morning which would make it reasonable for you
and me or anything? All in all i don't want it to be a bad work day for you either, i just want it to work for me too. Yes 1:30 is best for me, but if it
fucks it up for you then i don't want that either. Even noon or something works as well, or 2, and my point is that in then end even butcrack of dawn might be ok, i just won't know. And it may be more convenient for you in the end. So why don't you just tell me what your regular wake-up time looks like in general, when would you be up if you didn't have to be up so early to have to make an exact early arrangement? Then i'll see what i think might work for us both as a middle ground, so perhaps i step around my comfort zone to make it work, as well as you. Just let me know what tine you prefer to be up in general, and i'll give you a general time, i'm getting tired of texting
M: I'm getting tired of texting too and want to sleep. I normally wake up at 9 or 930. Please just pick a time, anytime. And I'll make it work for my schedule.
F: Oh ok, just got your last text. Does leaving at 11:45ish work? That way it's still earlier in the day, but i should be up regardless hopefully-i'll make
myself be up and will eat a bit if my teeth allow- AND we'll be done with enough time for you to have a major chunck of the day for work, plus if you wanted work in the morning. Is that reasonable for you?
M: Yes so see you at 1145. Nite!
F: Just sent you a text. It takes you like an hour or so to get ready, so if normally you get up at 9 and you want time to be ready, then realistically, you
could still be open for leaving at 10:30 or so in general as well anyway if you wanted to at the same time as not leave at that time. As in it really se
ems reasonable in that timeframe to be flexible to either/or situation. But whatever, if you don't find that reasonably flexible to meet halfway, then i
guess we disagree in general. I just have to point that out. Ok 11:45 is fine, night, i'm gettig sleepy again.
M: It takes me longer than an hour to get ready because I do my DVD and I don't like to rush in the morning when there's no reason to. If I get ready fast and skip my DVD it takes me an hour.
F: Well that just tells me that not meeting me halfway in being somewhat flexible is out of absolute desire and not necessity. Because you could in fact move things around a bit to make it work-ie the dvd routine time- like i try to go when it works for your work and move things around as well, including having to commit to a time when it's really not best for me at all to do that right now. Whatever, we said 11:45,which is fine, but really this is absurd rigidity to something tnat can easily be flexible to work for both of us if it were important for you to make it work in both of our interests. See you at 11:45, night
M: I asked you to pick the time. Anytime. You don't like 1145 then pick another time. All I'm asking is for you to pick a time. I'm picking you up, taking you there, and dropping you off and all I'm asking from you is for you to pick a time, anytime.
F: Which has been our issue. You need a time, and that's what's hard for me at this time. Sometimes my best working times come from leaving things open and more gets done, and in a way that benefits most situations, for me and others. It's not best for me to have a time sometime, but i make it work for you most of the time because you want it, even if it's chosing between hours that best work for you. I've been trying to be more stable for you for your work, but for example you can't be flexible tomorrow because of wanting to schedule a dvd, even when being flexible would work anyway? That's just over control. I'm sorry, but it is.So no, usually i can't pick a time, and especially tomorrow was going to be dificult because of my mouth and meds, but i'm being stable for you enough to say 11:45. That's me meeting you halfway even if it's not great for me at all potentially. I'm merely pointing out my slight annoyance that you can't do the same when need be, .Picking a time is inconvenience to me, but i try to make it work out of necessity. So when you say just pick a time, it's ok putting my needs to the side, but when i say be flexible, your inconveniences are supposed to be understood, even when they are not of necessity. My point in writing all that is just so you can maybe get where i'm coming from when i point out that you kind of want it when you want it even if you 'allowing me' to pick a time you're ok with. Also, If picking me up and dropping me and all that has been an issue, no worries because i can pitch in for gas or a nice dinner or the likes regardless, which was my intention anyway. I wanted to see if you wanted to go to musha or somethig next week some day after our last session. And if it's the issue of time needed to grab me etc, i could have met you at your place most of the times given the word these last weeks as long as the times could have worked out for us both. Ok now that i've written a novel, i'm seriously going to rest. I did need to get that off my chest not because of any real ill feeling toward you, as i do love and respect you, but because it has bothered me that i feel like you're not getting our misunderstanding of the meeting point. Flexibility vs. Stability / control vs. Openness / need vs. Desire. I'm no longer making sense i think the vicodin has kicked in agin. Like i said 11:45 fine, we'll talk about it tomorrow if you want, i don't want either of us to be annoyed or inconvenienced
You're prob already asleep haha. Anyway, pls do take most of my annoyance and blubberings with a grain of salt, i'm in pain and i can be bitchy. I mean really we should talk about this tomorrow, i just started bawling at the site of my hairy thighs for fucks sake. Yeah, that wrecked today.
And that's as close to an apology this friend will ever say. So many gems, it's hard to pick the best one. I think one of my favorites was when my friend told me my own morning routine :)
UPDATE: By the way, my friend never brought up their string of asinine texts or immature behavior.
Me: Hey what did you end deciding at the dentists? To pull or not to pull? Are we still on for rock wall tomorrow?
Me: So I take it you can't go climbing tomorrow?
Friend: I was asleep, what time tomorrow?
M: I'll pick you up at 1030.
F: Why so early in the day?
M: So there won't be traffic and it'll be less crowded. I thought you wanted to go early.
F: Im just wondering why that early because i just woke up from a deep 4.5 hr sleep, so it may be hard to go back to sleep and wake up really early with energy. I took some vicodin, but i may take some again soonish, so maybe i WILL fall asleep soon again. It would be better for me if we could push it back slightly, if it's all the same to you. Otherwise, if it's the only time you can go, then it'll have to work i guess.
M: I can go at the same time as last time. Pick you up at 420. I just don't like breaking up my writing time so going in the middle of the day isn't possible for me. Or we can go in the middle of the day Saturday. I don't have anything planned for Saturday it's my relaxing day.
F: Wait, why can't we go tomorrow sometime later than 10:30 and before 4?in beteeen, Like 1:30? After lunch? Then we'll be back before traffic as well and you can get to work, plus you have all morning to work too before you break for lunch anyway, AND it works for me too? So both good for your work and my sleep problem?
M: Except that it's not good for me and my work. I can't write like that. When I'm writing I need a huge chunk of time to write and until 130 isn't long enough for me.
F: so how about i see how tonight goes and of it works out, then i'll call and we'll go early. If not, then later in the day. So play it by ear, since you'll just be working anyway.
F: Ok, well, going too early when i can't sleep (especially bc of taking meds earlier)and will be exhausted doesn't work for ME at all as a physical thing,
M:I really can't play it by ear tomorrow because if we are going in the morning I need to wake up earlier so I can do all my morning stuff before picking you up and going climbing. If we are going at 420 then I can wake up at my normal time. I'm not trying to be difficult I just can't play it by ear tomorrow. I am more flexible on Saturday if you need flexibility.
F: Wow, i mean i'm trying to meet you part way,i would actually try to get up early, i really don't think it's that hard to attempt to meet me halfway too,
either way you'll be gettig up earliesh to work. You know, i just don't know. That's all i can say. And if we're doing what's most convenient for ourselv
es apart from everything else, then i can say that altnough saturday works, i'd rather spend some time with my mom and not break up my day in the middle
either.
M: Why can't you go at 420?
F: Anyway, i'm getting tired again, so im going to go rest, my tooth nerves hurt cuz i drank juice and im going to try to relax
M: So are you ok with 420 then?
F: I didn't say i cant, i said it's better if we go earlier but not as early as 10:30. Just in terms of when we get back and traffic and the fact that the rest of the eve will be tiring for both of us because of how late it is. I don't know about you but both times this week i've been super tired after. But i did 't say it wouldn't work at all. Earlier makes it more convenient for me AS well, in terms of something being not only good for your schedule, but for me as well.
M: Ok whatever time you want to go we'll go, I just need you to commit to a time right now so I know my schedule. 1030, 130, whatever.
F: So you can't meet me halfway and be open to possible morning, like at all? Not even a little later in the morning which would make it reasonable for you
and me or anything? All in all i don't want it to be a bad work day for you either, i just want it to work for me too. Yes 1:30 is best for me, but if it
fucks it up for you then i don't want that either. Even noon or something works as well, or 2, and my point is that in then end even butcrack of dawn might be ok, i just won't know. And it may be more convenient for you in the end. So why don't you just tell me what your regular wake-up time looks like in general, when would you be up if you didn't have to be up so early to have to make an exact early arrangement? Then i'll see what i think might work for us both as a middle ground, so perhaps i step around my comfort zone to make it work, as well as you. Just let me know what tine you prefer to be up in general, and i'll give you a general time, i'm getting tired of texting
M: I'm getting tired of texting too and want to sleep. I normally wake up at 9 or 930. Please just pick a time, anytime. And I'll make it work for my schedule.
F: Oh ok, just got your last text. Does leaving at 11:45ish work? That way it's still earlier in the day, but i should be up regardless hopefully-i'll make
myself be up and will eat a bit if my teeth allow- AND we'll be done with enough time for you to have a major chunck of the day for work, plus if you wanted work in the morning. Is that reasonable for you?
M: Yes so see you at 1145. Nite!
F: Just sent you a text. It takes you like an hour or so to get ready, so if normally you get up at 9 and you want time to be ready, then realistically, you
could still be open for leaving at 10:30 or so in general as well anyway if you wanted to at the same time as not leave at that time. As in it really se
ems reasonable in that timeframe to be flexible to either/or situation. But whatever, if you don't find that reasonably flexible to meet halfway, then i
guess we disagree in general. I just have to point that out. Ok 11:45 is fine, night, i'm gettig sleepy again.
M: It takes me longer than an hour to get ready because I do my DVD and I don't like to rush in the morning when there's no reason to. If I get ready fast and skip my DVD it takes me an hour.
F: Well that just tells me that not meeting me halfway in being somewhat flexible is out of absolute desire and not necessity. Because you could in fact move things around a bit to make it work-ie the dvd routine time- like i try to go when it works for your work and move things around as well, including having to commit to a time when it's really not best for me at all to do that right now. Whatever, we said 11:45,which is fine, but really this is absurd rigidity to something tnat can easily be flexible to work for both of us if it were important for you to make it work in both of our interests. See you at 11:45, night
M: I asked you to pick the time. Anytime. You don't like 1145 then pick another time. All I'm asking is for you to pick a time. I'm picking you up, taking you there, and dropping you off and all I'm asking from you is for you to pick a time, anytime.
F: Which has been our issue. You need a time, and that's what's hard for me at this time. Sometimes my best working times come from leaving things open and more gets done, and in a way that benefits most situations, for me and others. It's not best for me to have a time sometime, but i make it work for you most of the time because you want it, even if it's chosing between hours that best work for you. I've been trying to be more stable for you for your work, but for example you can't be flexible tomorrow because of wanting to schedule a dvd, even when being flexible would work anyway? That's just over control. I'm sorry, but it is.So no, usually i can't pick a time, and especially tomorrow was going to be dificult because of my mouth and meds, but i'm being stable for you enough to say 11:45. That's me meeting you halfway even if it's not great for me at all potentially. I'm merely pointing out my slight annoyance that you can't do the same when need be, .Picking a time is inconvenience to me, but i try to make it work out of necessity. So when you say just pick a time, it's ok putting my needs to the side, but when i say be flexible, your inconveniences are supposed to be understood, even when they are not of necessity. My point in writing all that is just so you can maybe get where i'm coming from when i point out that you kind of want it when you want it even if you 'allowing me' to pick a time you're ok with. Also, If picking me up and dropping me and all that has been an issue, no worries because i can pitch in for gas or a nice dinner or the likes regardless, which was my intention anyway. I wanted to see if you wanted to go to musha or somethig next week some day after our last session. And if it's the issue of time needed to grab me etc, i could have met you at your place most of the times given the word these last weeks as long as the times could have worked out for us both. Ok now that i've written a novel, i'm seriously going to rest. I did need to get that off my chest not because of any real ill feeling toward you, as i do love and respect you, but because it has bothered me that i feel like you're not getting our misunderstanding of the meeting point. Flexibility vs. Stability / control vs. Openness / need vs. Desire. I'm no longer making sense i think the vicodin has kicked in agin. Like i said 11:45 fine, we'll talk about it tomorrow if you want, i don't want either of us to be annoyed or inconvenienced
You're prob already asleep haha. Anyway, pls do take most of my annoyance and blubberings with a grain of salt, i'm in pain and i can be bitchy. I mean really we should talk about this tomorrow, i just started bawling at the site of my hairy thighs for fucks sake. Yeah, that wrecked today.
And that's as close to an apology this friend will ever say. So many gems, it's hard to pick the best one. I think one of my favorites was when my friend told me my own morning routine :)
UPDATE: By the way, my friend never brought up their string of asinine texts or immature behavior.
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